The Moment I Knew

It was the last day of seventh grade.  The worst year of my entire life was hours away from finally being over.  I was tormented, bullied, and harassed the whole year, and I couldn’t wait to bid it adieu.  I was a tiny twelve-year-old.  Throughout the year I had become an insecure, worrisome, quiet little girl; desperate to belong. I looked forward to summer vacation with hopeful anticipation.  It was a time to gather my broken-little-self up and prepare to storm Crescent View Middle School, as an eighth grader, with confidence, style, and a much higher social ranking.

This last day of seventh grade was the beginning of my makeover.  My friends had asked if I wanted to skip school, and do the only thing suburban twelve-year-olds did in the late 80’s; walk around the mall.  I had never skipped school before, but I wanted to prove that I was super cool, so I agreed. 

We had fun, and I had the attention of a boy I had a big crush on.  That day Ryan Blair was the love of my life; my soul mate.  We were just so darn cute, we spent the day spitting water on each other and pretending to push each other into oncoming traffic.  You know, all the normal stuff a couple does to show one another affection.

Sheralyn Pratt was hosting an end-of-the-year party that night, and I couldn’t wait.  It was going to be the best night of my life!  I was sure Ryan was going to hold my hand and we were going to end up living happily ever after.

I got to the party and to my utter disappointment Ryan was holding hands with Natalie Jenkins!  What!?!?  I thought we had such a strong connection.  What about all the spitting and pushing, did that mean nothing to him?  I tried to put on a brave face and enjoy myself, but finally I couldn’t take the heartbreak anymore.  I started walking home.  I wasn’t ready to face my family, so I kept walking. 

I ended up sitting in a field at Crescent View Middle School.  I was sad.  Why didn’t boys like me?  Were my bangs not high enough?  Was it my glasses?  No, it couldn’t possibly be my glasses, Judith Light wore the same glasses on Who’s the Boss and she was the perfect woman for a twelve-year-old girl to pattern coolness after.  Right?

I lied down on the grass, stared at the stars, and wondered about my future.  I wondered about my future husband.  What was he doing at that very moment?  Was he sad too?  Was he looking at the stars and thinking about me? The song, Somewhere Out There played quietly in the background of my thoughts (oh, those cute little mice).  I was having a moment. While I was sad and overwhelmed, I felt the love of my Heavenly Father.  I knew everything was going to be okay.     

Cut-to 23 years later.  After my separation, my boys and I moved to a house one block away from Crescent View.  Their dad and I were in the midst of a last ditch effort to save our marriage.   All the papers were signed.  I was hours away from filing the final paperwork when he asked me to hold off and give us one last try.  All our cards were showing. We were facing an incredibly massive challenge in trying to repair the damage we had caused.  He was over at my house late one night, when we got into a heated discussion.  I told him to stay at the house with the boys, and I started walking. 

I ended up in the same field I had been 23 years earlier.  Suddenly I realized I was having a full circle moment.  I had again become that broken, insecure, worrisome, and desperate little girl.  As I lied in the field sobbing and contemplating my future, I asked myself questions like, “Is divorce really part of ‘the plan’?  Can I really do this on my own?  What about our eternal marriage?  How does divorce effect my salvation?” 

I had asked these questions several times during our ten-month-long separation, but finally the fog was starting to lift.  I had a clear picture of the Savior cradling my face in his hands and saying, “Shannon, I got this.”  I knew His promised blessings would mine, because I had honored my end of the agreement.  I saw a glimpse into eternity, and I didn’t see my husband standing next to me.  I knew it was time to move forward.  I knew I had given all I had to give.  I knew that Heavenly Father was pleased with my efforts.  I knew it was time to, once again, storm life with confidence, grace, dignity and courage.  In that moment, I knew.

 

3 Tips to Create Mediocrity

 

Other than my relationships with people, I have five true loves; Christmas, Project Runway, chocolate, Pepsi and Pinterest.  Pinterest is more of an obsession.  I have the app on my phone so I check her constantly.  She is updated so rapidly it’s hard for me to keep up with her.  She has such good ideas.  Every time I pin a recipe, beauty tip, vacation destination, or inspiring quote I make a silent promise to be better.  A better mom, health nut, fashionista, cook, photographer, homemaker, camp director, interior decorator, gardener, comedian and writer.  Then I remind myself, while I want to be all those things and more, I simply can’t do it all.  So let me share with you what I’ve learned about mediocrity. 

1.     Realize Your Best Is Good Enough.  As trite and cliché as that may sound, it’s nevertheless true. During my moments of inadequacy, and I have many, I remind myself, “I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the very end.”

 

PHAT!  Isn’t that a great quote?!?  I found it on Pinterest.  Haha.  I have realized that I do the best I can and there’s nothing else left.  So in the infamous phrase of mediocrity...

 

 

When my second son was born, my oldest was 15-months-old.  I would wake-up every morning with a laundry list of things I wanted to get done.  I was so disappointed when I got only a couple of tasks accomplished.  Inadequacy settled in my spirit. I felt worthless, incapable and overwhelmed.  One day I decided to log everything I did, instead of list everything I wanted to do.  Wow!  I actually got a lot done.  By the end of the day, the list of what I did was ten times longer than my typical to-do list.  When you focus on what you’re able to accomplish rather than what you’re not, you will be able to leave a sink full of dishes because you’ll know you did a million other important things instead.       

2.     Define Your Non-Negotiables.  These are things you do everyday no matter what.  The first thing you have to do is recognize your core priorities.  They could be things like health and fitness, child-rearing, spiritual-development, service, education, career, friendships, romantic relationships, church callings, beauty, hobbies and homemaking.  

After you have defined your most important core priorities, decide on one thing, per category, that if you did every day you would feel successful. 

My Non-Negoitables…  

- Take a shower and get ready every day (this goes for the boys too)

- Work 30 accts (job)

- Spend two-three hours per day on my homework

- Help the kids with their homework

- Read scriptures as a family and say family prayer

- Connect with the man in my life (whistle)

- Spend time in the scriptures and on my knees myself

Secondary non-negoitables are going to the gym and cleaning the kitchen before bed.  I can’t say these are absolutes because they’re the first to go on a crazy day.  I guess you could say they’re my usuals.  Other than those eight tasks, everything else just gets “fit-in”.  So when the laundry is piling up and I’m late getting Eli to preschool, I take solace in knowing the most important tasks, to me, are getting done.      

3.      Get Over Yourself.  For years I put on a great show of perfection.  I appeared to have a perfect marriage. My boys were always dressed according to current trends.  Every corner of my house was decorated how HGTV told me to decorate it.  I was always put together.  I magnified my callings (bigger is better, right?) and I did it all with a smile on my face.

 

When my perfect hubby left me, my seemingly perfect life shattered.  One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned through all of this is that no one is perfect.  There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, perfect children, perfect home and perfect body.  I ran myself ragged trying to chase after perfection and fell flat on my face.  So now here I am declaring to the world that I’M NOT PERFECT!  I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to raising my boys.  My house is rarely spotless.  In fact as I write, there is a banana peel swimming in a pool of syrup on my kitchen table. I have 856,000,000 insecurities about my body.  I worry A LOT.  My bank account is at an all time low.  But you know what?  It’s okay.  It’s okay to be mediocre.  I feel free from the shackles of perfection.  It’s exhausting keeping up appearances.  I’m sure it’s something I will always struggle with, but I‘m so much better now, than I was two years ago.

Now, to be clear that I’m not suggesting giving-up.  I’m merely suggesting stop being so hard on yourself.  Stop putting unreasonable demands upon your, already heavy, shoulders.  Progress through life at a steady pace.  Realize that along the way you will encounter detours you didn’t expect.  Roll with it, Baby!  Take a look around and redirect your course over and over again.  Your life is uniquely yours.  By divine design it’s perfectly imperfect.  Own it, love it, mold it but never try and perfect it.    

Mine Angels Bear You Up

As I tearfully stood at a counter, at the Salt Lake County Courthouse, watching a clerk stamp the date on my final divorce papers, I felt a strong impression to go to Temple Square when I was finished.  The sweet clerk finished the cold process of organizing my paperwork, glanced up at me and started to tell me that I had everything in order and was free to go, but she stopped mid-sentence as she saw tears streaming down my face.  She stood up from her office chair, reached across the counter and placed her hand on my arm and asked if I was okay.  I nodded and tried to tell her thank you, but no sound came out of mouth.  I managed a smile and walked out of the courthouse.  When I finally got into my van the tears fell like rain and I sat in the dark parking garage and sobbed.  Once again I felt prompted to go to Temple Square. 

 

I followed the prompting and made my way to the place where I had so often found peace and comfort.  I parked at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. As I made my way into the main lobby I passed the office where I had sat 15 years previous and picked out the flowers, linens and food for my wedding reception, which was held on the top-floor ballroom of the building.  Once a place of happy memories, and now I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

 

I made my way out the doors of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and entered the gates of Temple Square where I immediately saw a bride being fanned by her doting mother.  It was a hot summer day in Salt Lake and I was reminded of the hot summer day I was married in the Salt Lake Temple.  I was reminded of my own doting mother trying to keep me cool in my beautiful white wedding dress.  I kept walking.  It seemed like everywhere I turned another bride and groom were blissfully smiling at their photographer’s camera. 

“What am I doing here?”  I thought.  “I am just torturing myself.  I need to get out of here.”  But instead of turning around and walking back to my car, I kept walking.

Finally, I ended up sitting in a beautiful flowerbed on a raised sprinkler box facing the temple.  The temple where 15 years ago I was sealed to my best friend and the man I loved with all my heart.  “This is where it all started,” I thought.  “And now I’m back at the same spot trying to find some peace when it’s all ended.”  The marriage I had fought so hard for was now officially over and I couldn’t control the sadness and despair I felt.  I put my face in my hands and sobbed.

A man in a suit came and sat down next to me in the flowerbed.

“Do you like cookies?” he asked.

I lifted my tear-stained face out of my hands, looked at him and with a little giggle responded, “Who doesn’t?”

He laughed and handed me a cookie.  We sat there for a few moments.  He was quiet, and I was trying as hard as I could to stop crying.

Finally, he said, “You’re obviously sad, what’s going on?”

I told him.  A complete stranger, but for some reason I told him all about the nightmare I was living.  He sat and listened.  When I was finished he said, “My wife was horticulture major at BYU and flowers have always fascinated me.  You can plant annuals and they are pretty for a season, but then they die.  When you plant perennials they are pretty for the season but they don’t get strong and vibrant until they’ve gone through a winter.  What’s more, is that after they have gone through an extremely harsh winter the plant produces the prettiest, most vibrant blossoms.  It sounds like you’re going through an extremely harsh winter right now, but soon the snow will stop falling, the ground will begin to thaw and the grandest, prettiest and most vibrant flowers will begin to bloom in your life. 

Your Heavenly Fathers hears and answers your prayers.  How else do you explain why I bought an extra cookie today? Heavenly Father wanted you to have this cookie today,” he said.  

Steve gave me a hug and went back to work.  I knew my prayers had been answered.  I knew Heavenly Father had sent one of his angels to comfort me in one of my darkest moments.  My Father, your Father, knew one of his daughters was suffering and could use a cookie.  I’m so grateful I followed the prompting to go Temple Square so I could be taught the things Heavenly Father wanted me to hear that day.  I have been inspired to look for opportunities to be an angel in someone else’s life.  I have a small charm in the shape of a chair on a bracelet I wear to remind me to find empty places to sit and provide comfort for others who are suffering. 

D&C 84:88 And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angles round about you, to bear you up.