The sky looked bright and clear; a stark contrast to how I was feeling. Feebly, I managed to get myself and my three young boys into one of the small pews on the left side of the chapel. Charlie reached over and held my shaking hand. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I knew if I let them go they would never stop flowing. Throughout the meeting I desperately prayed. I prayed to make it through church without throwing-up. I prayed my panic attack would stop. I prayed for direction, discernment and for the assurance that I wasn’t alone.
As soon as Sacrament Meeting was over the boys scurried off to Primary and my sweet bishop made his way over to me. He knew something was wrong because he said I looked like I had just seen a ghost. Finally, I released the tears and shared with him what had happened. Immediately I was surrounded by friends—sweet sisters—who lifted, comforted, and sustained me. The scene in the chapel that morning was Relief Society in action. It was a tender moment I will never forget.
There was no doubt the Lord knew where I was and what I was facing that day. One of the ways I was prepared for this experience was through the YW lesson I had prepared to teach. I didn’t end up teaching it, but when I got home I studied it again, this time with new eyes. Most of the lesson came from Elder David A. Bednar’s talk, The Atonement and theJourney of Mortality.
In this talk he references the people of Alma who were being persecuted and put to death if they prayed, but the voice of Lord came to these people and said: “I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs.
“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
“What was changed in this episode? It was not the burden that changed; the challenges and difficulties of persecution were not immediately removed from the people. But Alma and his followers were strengthened, and their increased capacity and strength made the burdens they bore lighter. These good people were empowered through the Atonement to act as agents and impact their circumstances.”
I realized that for months I was praying for the Lord to change my circumstances, I was praying for him to change the heart and will of my ex-husband. I wanted the Lord to force him to stay so our family could remain whole. I wasn’t praying for the strength to affect my own circumstances. I expected the Lord to do it for me. I didn’t understand the enabling power of the Atonement. I don’t think I would begin to understand it that way I do now if I hadn’t experienced the devastating events earlier that morning. That day I started to understand that the Savior could not only put my heart back together, but he could also make it whole again. My prayers changed that day. I no longer prayed for my circumstances to change, I prayed for strength and increased capacity to endure.
As the most important relationship of my life was coming to an end, a relationship I had neglected to fully appreciate was beginning to blossom. The Savior became the central figure in my life. This is where the real story lies. Accepting the pure love of Christ in my life, is the greatest love story I’ll ever tell.
I know the Atonement is real and it’s for every single person who has ever lived. The Atonement is not only for the sinner. It provides encouragement to the discouraged. It is the healing salve for the broken-heart. It provides comfort to the lonely, and strength to the weak and lowly. The Atonement rights every single wrong, and if we are patient the promised blessings of our Father will be ours. We can be secure in the promise of eternal life because of Christ’s victory in Gethsemane, on the cross at Golgotha and from the Garden Tomb.
